If you’re anything like me, you probably have a stack of half-written messages in your Notes app. Messages you’ve been too scared to send to certain people about problems you’re too worried to confront.
You’re worried that confronting the problem will lead to an awkward conversation (one you’re too nervous to have) and so, logically, by avoiding the conversation altogether you are thus avoiding the problem. Problem solved.
But even if you delete the Note or decide you’ll hold off until said-person presents the problem to you, you still have it hanging over your head.
I’ve let a lot of problems bubble over in the past, letting them stew under the surface with poor excuses: I was scared of looking too honest; I was worried about being vulnerable; I didn’t want to admit I was wrong; or I didn’t want to upset anyone.
Eventually it’ll boil to a head anyway. If you’re lucky you can get away a small, contained explosion that’s easy to mop up; others may get a lot more messy.
So why don’t we just cut to the chase? A problem halved is a problem solved and all that…
Be okay with honesty
I have been guilty of playing down my feelings in certain scenarios because I’m afraid of being ‘too honest‘. Sometimes I feel I’ve exaggerated or even invented the situation in my own head; other times I worry I might be judged for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Short answer – don’t. Honesty is a valuable trait and if there’s something you feel you need to get off your chest, just go ahead and voice it. Someone who judges you for being honest with your own emotions is the one that needs to be judged.
Your feelings don’t need to be justified
and don’t let anyone make you feel like they should. If someone doesn’t understand or disagrees with the way you feel, that’s on them. Don’t let someone else’s opinions sway your own emotions – know your own mind! You don’t need to give reasons or excuses for feeling a certain way (although this shouldn’t mean you can swan around upsetting people… which leads nicely onto my next point…)
Don’t be a dick…
There’s being honest and then there’s being honest (like telling your girlfriend whether she looks fat in those leggings – we all know what type of honesty is best in that case). Just because you’re telling the truth doesn’t mean you have to be rude. There’s always a tactful way to phrase something that considers the other persons feelings too.
…and don’t ghost
I will never understand ghosting. Imagine you were having a conversation with someone in real life and they stood there in front of you not saying anything while you just spoke at them?! For the sanity of all parties involved, just reply – even if it’s just to end the conversation.
9x out of 10, it will always be fine
(Something my ex was annoyingly right about). I think as a girl it’s our duty to overthink and overworry. We’re quite literally catapulting ourselves to conclusions before we’ve even got ourself into the situation. Nine times out of ten I guarantee you that it will be fine. Because we’ve over-imagined the worst already, the outcome is usually absolutely fine. Plus, if you’re nipping the problem in the bud early, you’ll be cutting down on almost an hours worth of panicked Whatsapp’s to your best friend.